


What a beautiful thing it was to have lived.

by JaceReeal



Category: Spider-Man (Tom Holland Movies)
Genre: Blip, Gen, Hurt No Comfort, Panic Attack, Peter Parker Needs a Hug, Tell me if I missed anything, blood mention, death mention, i most likely have as it it 1am, not mentioned but implied Death of Tony Stark
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-10
Updated: 2020-05-10
Packaged: 2021-03-02 23:47:23
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 919
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24105412
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/JaceReeal/pseuds/JaceReeal
Summary: Life after the Blip is hard."He was going to turn to dust again. He knew it. He would be ripped apart by the universe once more as the boy called Peter was nothing but a name left in the world. The world that was too big. Too big. Too much for his 16 year old shoulders."
Kudos: 5





	What a beautiful thing it was to have lived.

**Author's Note:**

> This is pretty heavy. Please read the tags and stay safe!!

Peter hadn't been comfortable in a long time. Even before the spider bite his lungs had ached and his head had throbbed.

He had never joined sports teams because his lungs would ache in 8 different ways when he did. Trying to pull in air. He would heave and gasp searching for oxygen. It always ended with being escorted to the nurses office with an inhaler. Asthma attacks were a bitch and he hadn't had one in years. Not since the bite.

Guess his luck had finally run out, Peter mused as he stood on a roof top wheezing. Reaching up he rolled up the bottom of his mask. It was late fall and the air was cold against his flushed face.

Heavily breathing he sat down. His lungs felt like they were taking in burning lava instead of air. They squeezed tightly as he tried to breathe. His vision blurred. He could hear traffic on the street below. A few feet to his right two birds squawking at each other. The building below him was filled with printers and the clicking of keys. A lady in the apartment two buildings over was singing off tune to the radio. He wished she would shut up.

The colors of the world started to blur together as Peter was assaulted by everything at once. Blue of the sky with the grey of the city skyline.

“Is this what dying feels like?” He rasped out.

He wasn't expecting Karen's reply. “It seems you are undergoing huge amounts of distress. According to your accelerated heartbeat and difficulty breathing, my guess would be an extreme panic attack.”

Peter blanked. He hadn't had one in months.

“Wh-what?” He gave a breathless laugh. “N-no. Not now. Tha-that's--what-hrg,”

He was unable to continue as he doubled over. “Ohgod.”

His head was pounding. Heavy and filled.

Karen said something but he couldn't hear her over his heart beating in his ears.

He was too young. The world was too old. It wasn't fair. It wasn't fair.

He breath hitched.

His hands gripped his head in a weak attempt to cut off the world. He could feel. Ohgod could he feel.

Tears. He could feel his mask was wet. He was crying. “Ohgod” he said again.

He was going to turn to dust again. He knew it. He would be ripped apart by the universe once more as the boy called Peter was nothing but a name left in the world. The world that was too big. Too big. Too much for his 16 year old shoulders.

He rocked back and forth. The cold roof chilling him through his suit.

Too much. Too much.

He was only a boy. Only a boy.

Too young.

“How did it feel to be blipped.” the girl had asked, after she had overcome the shock of being saved by Spider-man.

He had barely been able to stay to make sure she was alright. The question making his skin crawl.

It bounced around in his head.

An innocent question. She was just curious. They all were. Those who stared at him with wide eyes and pity. They wanted to know. They said they understood. They didn't. They didn't. He suddenly hated the girl.

It had felt awful. To have died. To have been cracked at the seams as the universe took what it had given. Everything that he was.

He sucked in a short breath. Holding it in his chest in an attempt to feel full.

He felt empty. So empty.

He had come back. They all had. Those who had blipped. They had returned and the world had rejoiced. They hadn't.

Empty shells in place of what once were people.

Oh sure, he had tried. They all had.

Going back home to things that were held with uncertainty. To things that held no meaning anymore. Back home to people who had moved on and now stood in front of them unsure how to act once the joy had passed.

They were old yet so young. Behind on things that they couldn't catch up on.

Peter still couldn't breath. Everything was there. It was there but so out of reach. So close but so far.

He wanted to scream. He wanted to beat at the ground until his hands were bruised and bloody. He wanted to yell at the universe and demand back his hope.

He could feel more tears.

Peter ripped off his mask and let his back fall so he was lying. His chest rose with deep breaths.

Breathe. Breathe.

He couldn't.

* * *

He found himself later, lying on the same rooftop after it passed. No sense of how long had passed. His mask crumpled up in his fist.

He gently eased his hand open, releasing his mask. Then clenched it tightly again.

He could breath now. His breath came in steady. His heart was slowed to a normal rate.

Peter watched the sky. It had darkened considerably.

The traffic hadn't gone away but had slowed. The birds had long since flown away. The lady had stopped singing.

He let out a tired sigh. He was so tired. His limbs are heavy and mind muddled.

He stood up.

Unclenched his jaw and fists.

He reached down and grabbed his mask, smoothing it out. Looked at the bright and wide white eyes. Searching. He found nothing.

He sighed.

Pulling on his mask he heard Karen's soft voice chime.

“Welcome back Peter.”

He felt his mouth twitched into a half smile.

He was alive.

**Author's Note:**

> Hope you liked this!  
> Kudos comments and bookmarks are what I live on, please consider leaving some!!


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